Emotionally vexing, deeply heartbreaking and beautifully written.
A story of need in a time of consuming loneliness,
of finding comfort amidst impossible grief.
I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m a castaway. Lost. Drowning. I love you. That’s the only true thing I know, and it’s all I have to hold on to. I love you. I’ll love you forever. Until the day I die, and I’ll love you in whatever world comes after this one. I love you so much, Ever. I miss you. Dear Jesus, I miss you. Come back to me.
For forever, and after forever,
Caden
This is Jasinda Wilder’s best work. The way the words ebb and flow on the page, the way the story entwines, tighter and more permanently at every turn… The way my emotions knotted, tensed and constantly changed… The way the characters became so real to me that I felt angry, sad and even sick with fear as the story boldly unfurled… all together made the story remarkable. I thought she destroyed me when I read Falling Into You, but let me tell you that this time, she shatters the boundaries of emotional control, taking us to a place of unyielding emotional turbulence… one that befuddled my sense of right and wrong, that took me from hoping one thing in the beginning, to hoping another thing midway through the story, to simply leaving me at a loss on how to feel at the story’s end. My feelings could simply not get a grip. Whereas the first book in the trilogy is a story of reveling in the rightness of a connection as a way to endure life, this story is about trying to crush a connection to uphold rightness. This connection was awakened in the light of tragedy, defined by pain and enlivened by desire. It felt wrong. It felt right. But nonetheless, I felt it. Felt every moment of the story’s power. This is a story that lives in layers, curled and gnarled by feelings of guilt, agony, sadness, pain and longing. It explores the notion of love – how you define it, how you live without it, how it grows and how it fades.
Caden is devastated. His life has been irrevocably marred by too much tragedy. But he’s always had Ever. She’s been his unwavering lifeline, but now her lifeline is nothing but a rise and fall of a wave on a hospital machine. With unexpected truths revealed and the very real, very brutal reality of her being in a coma, his life seems over. He finds himself retreating into himself once again in efforts to numb the pain and endure the impossible. Without anyone else to hold on to, both physically and emotionally, he’s forced to rely on Eden… Ever’s twin sister. She becomes his constant companion. A person who battles her own pain, her own demons, but that is committed to helping him get through this… for Ever. Her music is her only release, the notes taking the shape of her pain.
The story is written in alternating POVs and for the first time, we get to really know Eden. And I have to say I connected more with Eden than I did with Ever. In Forever & Always, we saw Eden through Ever’s eyes, through her experiences. We knew she struggled with a thin self confidence, fighting her weight issues. We also learn, however, that she wars with feelings of not being good enough, not being worth enough to be loved and respected. She’s been used and dumped by men and perhaps in some way she’s enabled that, falling into the same trap again and again. She desperately longs for more… to find someone who will love and accept her for who she is on the inside and not the curves she boasts physically. Without Ever, however, her battles persist silently and without release. She finds herself needing Cade, his companionship a result of a tragedy she never could have anticipated. When days turn into weeks and then months, they become closer over time, relying on each other to dull the throbbing pain of their shattered hearts. Lines once clearly drawn begin to blur.
I was so angry at first. I didn’t want any connection to build between Eden and Caden, whether it was simply companionship, physical and certainly anything more. But the more I read, the more palpable their pain became, the more I understood the need to have someone. The words that flowed across the page bled with agony and I found myself wanting them to hold on to each other to get through it. I wasn’t sure how to process the feelings they felt… how to encapsulate it or define it. Was it an illicit love coruscating in the darkness of grief? Was it simply a impassioned release for pent-up desire? Was it something in between? Carnal and necessary to survival? The maelstrom of emotions that swirled within them was torturous – a combination of want, comfort, relief and guilt.
It seemed evident after awhile, that two people put in such an intense situation, thrust so close together with an infinite depth of feeling that craved relief, would of course find solace in each other’s arms. Emotion weltered, unbound and undefined.
The closer they became, the more indelible, more permanently each of their actions seared into the edifice of time. Truths would need to be revealed some day if Ever should wake. Caden, who once again I reiterate is one of the most tragic and tortured characters of whom I’ve read, begins to question everything as he crumbles and fades and wavers with the loss of the only person he’s ever loved in his life.
The story is awash with emotion, relentlessly and ruthlessly slamming into our two protagonists throughout the story. As the reader, I couldn’t find my bearing, couldn’t understand or process what I felt as the story shifted beneath me. The way in which this author crafted this story is nothing short of beautiful. Her word choices. Her syntax. Her manipulation of the story’s nuances. All reasons that I felt so consumed by this book, by these characters – these tortured souls – who have indelibly left their mark within me. Be warned once again, there is a cliffhanger, but I hope it doesn’t dissuade you from experiencing this book. The final book, Saving Forever, will come February 14th of next year and Jasinda promises we will be happy in the end.
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